Wednesday, 28 August 2013

Love and Intimacy. Not just a fairy tale!

Have you ever went on to relationship or do you get close to someone? Have you ever feel that love is actually a mystery? Actually, that's what I feel. Sometimes, in the relationship that I go through, I feel not success to find the formula of love and, well, there is no formula of love. In love itself, there's a cause that we like someone, that is pheromone. That's why siblings don't like each other because they don't like each others smell. That's for preventing the incest. There is also process to love and be loved. This is how you can having a good relation between friends and your partner.

In the Sexual Behavior class yesterday, I realized that love is not like a fairy tale, when there is kingdoms, with princess and prince who ride a white horse, partying all day, and so on. Live is not just romantic. Do you really think that Cinderella live happily ever after with his Prince Charming? The prince could be have some bad attitude so they got divorce.

There are some types of love, which is:

1. Romantic love: usually having some physically attractive and sexual desire. There are some criteria to attract to, is it physically or sexually. There is also have some anxiety and restless. In this type, someone tend to idealize their partners, ignore the mistake that their partners would make even though what their partners did is truly fault.

2. Passionate love: sign with interest with each other so they can have sex before marriage.

3. Companionate love: sign with trust and care with each other. It involves loving, intimacy, and attachment with the others. The point is, there is commitment in relationship.

—John Alan Lee suggests that there are six basic types of love:
1. Eros (romantic lover): Often called as "love at the first sight" where the couple full of passion.
2. Ludus (game-playing lover): The couple often seen as break up and in love with each other again everytime. 
3. Storge (quiet, calm lover):  Couples that the relationship is not like dating each others.
4. Mania (crazy lover): This is love that can be very dangerous because the partner have a very high level of jealousy. 
5. Pragma (practical lover): The relationship looked as having each others approval in their relationship.
6. Agape (selfless lover): Couples look very thrusting their partners, but it can be negative if the couple feel not being in their attention.

Now, do you realize that love in the past is really different with love at this time?

Couples in the past can be married because they are being paired with and go the "dating" time when in marriage. But, couples from the past still can be more acceptable to their own partners all that they had. That's why couples from the past still have more commitment and there's rarely have a divorce. 

Nowadays, women can work and often have many demand in life. They're also lack of feeling thank rather than in the past. It's all happen because there is difference of demand and commitment.

It seems hard to accept partner if the partner itself (especially men) doesn't have their own personal car, funds for dating, also maybe doesn't active in the social media. Imagine that, your partner only have a bicycle, doesn't have any income, only have e-mail and doesn't understand about internet. There are some partner (women) angry and having a conflict because no good night message, no see you message, no good morning message and so on in the social media. Can you imagine how complicated it is in today's relationship?

Relationships take effort and when a couple stops working on the relationship, both partners can become very lonely, love can fade and intimacy can evaporate. When love is lost, for whatever reason, it is a time of pain and mourning. The support of family and friends can help us let go of the lost love and try to form new attachments. But also don't little by little we update our status to seeking attention because in some times, people who read about it also become angry. 

Sometimes I saw couples that giving code by downloading a certain pictures to give code for another partner to buy for it. It means you manipulate your partner and controlling them in hope your partner buy it for you. When the partner didn't buy it? There will be conflict.

Possessiveness indicates a problem of self-esteem and personal boundaries and can eventually lead to stalking. Possessive people maybe smelling the aroma of their partner, check all of their belongings, check and control their partner message and other activity in their phone. Also don't let their partner go without their permit.

—Good communication skills are an integral part of all healthy 
relationships and couples who know how to communicate with each
other are happier, more satisfied, and have a better chance of
making their relationship last. —Communication fosters mutual
understanding, increases emotional intimacy, and helps deepen
feelings of love and intimacy. —However, lack of communication
skills is a major source of trouble in relationships. 

As we grow older, commitment in love becomes more important and passion may decrease importance.

So, who is the first one that loving us without ask something from us? The answer is our parents. They don't ask us to pay anything and don't complain as they take care of us until now.

Have you ever watch Shrek? Maybe that is the example of how love being effort and have commitment. Shrek defeated the dragon and the evil Farquaad until married with princess Fiona. Even Fiona's parents surprise when they know that their son-in-law is a giant Ogre. Not only that, their beautiful princess now change into an Ogre like her husband. Even so, with all of the effort, Fiona's parents allowed their relationship. People who said happily ever after never take an effort because the basic of love is effort and struggle.

—Good lovers are sensitive to their partners’ needs and desires
and can communicate their own desires. —Overall, we know that
communication is one of the most important aspects of a healthy
and satisfying relationship.

You don't have to look about your partner's social network, checking
his/her phone everyday, spying all his/her activity, smelling his/her
smell that is not your smell. Let your partner free and trust them.
With commitment, good communication, and trust, your partner will not
having affair from you.

1 comment:

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